Culturally, most of us have been raised to believe thatsaying ‘No’ is equivalent to being rude and might offend the other person.Interestingly, many of us spend a fair bit of time in our relationshipsthinking about how we could have avoided some unpleasant situations.
Upon reflection, we might find that, we had, at some pointin time, given way to the need of the moment and in our effort to maintainharmony and in order to avoid creating an uncomfortable situation, we ended upsaying a ‘Yes’ when what we really wanted to say was a ‘No’. It could have beena simple request from a family member to babysit their child or to drop themsomewhere or to get them something on our way back from work. It could havebeen about giving a loan or firing someone who works for you. If we know thatdoing something is likely to cause us a whole bunch or inconvenience and wemight even resent someone for ‘making us do it,’ in the long term interest ofpreserving the relationship, it might be better to say ‘No’. We are not talking about situations whereinwe believe we are coerced into relenting (and this would need a very differentkind of handling) but we are referring to situations wherein we have a say.
So how do we say ‘No’? It is, of course, easier said thandone. Believe it or not, it is something that many top professionals continueto struggle with. Saying ‘No’ is easy but saying ‘No’ in a manner that does notoffend the other person and maintains the relationship in question, isdefinitely an art.
The technique of saying ‘No’ remains the same whether it issaying ‘No’ in an official context to your boss or it is saying ‘No’ to aclient or to a family member. The key is to not close the door without openinga window. For example, if we start by giving an excuse, people are likely to beoffended. ‘I don’t think I can do this because…’ might not be very wellreceived but something like ‘I am not sure if I would be able to do this todaybut’…or ‘do you want me to talk to…to see if he / she can do this’…or… ‘are youok if we talk about this tomorrow..?’ We opened a window of possibility and letthe other person believe that we are interested in helping them out but wemight not be the right person to help them out or today might not be the bestday though some other day might work out. We obviously need to follow it up byaction and close on the issue else we might be considered as untrustworthy.
It is worthwhile to remember that we ourselves choose ourdegree of empowerment in life situations. Choose to have your say. Say ‘No’when you want to. You might find you have fewer regrets in life.
Namrataa Arora is a certified coach and specialises in lifeand career transition coaching for women across the world.
